10BEST Suspiciously (Homo)Erotic Automotive Terms

[Mike]

From the January, 2008, issue of Car and Driver magazine (yeah, I'm slowly catching up on my reading...).

10BEST Suspiciously (Homo)Erotic Automotive Terms


Stretch a Head Stud
Stroker Crank
Double Pumper
Sit on the Pole
Tighten the Gland Nuts
Slave Cylinder
Boring and Stroking
Layshaft
Belt-Driven Blower
The Miata Club of America

[Judy G. Russell]

January, 2008Just a little behind, are we???

[Jeff]

Have you ever seen one of their pictures of a canary yellow Ferrari?

[sidney]

Just a little behind, are we???

Are you thinking of the Ford Probe?

[Judy G. Russell]

Are you thinking of the Ford Probe?ROFL!!!!

[Mike]

Are you thinking of the Ford Probe?
I don't know why that wasn't on the list.

[Mike]

Just a little behind, are we???
And then some.

[Mike]

Have you ever seen one of their pictures of a canary yellow Ferrari?
I have!

One of the reasons I continue to subscribe to the dead-tree version of the magazine is to get the pictures with greater resolution than what gets published on the web site.

[Jeff]

I have!

One of the reasons I continue to subscribe to the dead-tree version of the magazine is to get the pictures with greater resolution than what gets published on the web site.

We don't need no stinkin' racing red! I've been up close and personal with a canary, but the other...

[Mike]

We don't need no stinkin' racing red!
I've never been a fan of red cars.

Guess what color is the car I inherited from my mother?

[ndebord]

I've never been a fan of red cars.

Guess what color is the car I inherited from my mother?

Mike,

It could have been worse. My father had a red VW... after parking it for a few years in the Dow Chemical parking lot, its new color was.... orange and that is when I inherited it!

[Dan in Saint Louis]

Mike,

It could have been worse. My father had a red VW... after parking it for a few years in the Dow Chemical parking lot, its new color was.... orange and that is when I inherited it!
Hey! I had an orange car.

[Mike]

Acid rain?

[Mike]

That's a cool car!

[Dan in Saint Louis]

That's a cool car!
In my hot rod (now THERE'S a suspicious term!) days, before pollution controls, that ran the quarter mile in 14.09 seconds at 101 mph -- on street tires. And I was just over red line in third, still had a gear to go. Good old small-block Chevy.

[sidney]

My father had a red VW... after parking it for a few years in the Dow Chemical parking lot, its new color was.... orange

The second car I owned was an orange VW. My first one was an old blue bug, which I named "Baby Blue" and which I loved until a "friend" rolled it and totaled it, fortunately with no-one getting hurt. As soon as I could I replaced it with another used VW bug, learning the hard way the difference between buying a well maintained used car from my boss's girlfriend and buying one from a sleazy used car dealer. I ended up naming that car "Lemon Orange".

One day, as I was driving it back from yet another expensive repair, the result of the brakes and the windshield wipers failing at the same time during a night blizzard on the Massachusetts Turnpike, the steering wheel came off in my hands. I jammed it in while slowly pulling over and just as I came to a stop a rear wheel fell off. I looked over and saw I was across the street from a VW dealer ... I walked across the street with my keys and signed over the car. It was several years before I bought my third car.

[ndebord]

In my hot rod (now THERE'S a suspicious term!) days, before pollution controls, that ran the quarter mile in 14.09 seconds at 101 mph -- on street tires. And I was just over red line in third, still had a gear to go. Good old small-block Chevy.

Dan,

That would have been the '55 chevy, no?

[ndebord]

The second car I owned was an orange VW. My first one was an old blue bug, which I named "Baby Blue" and which I loved until a "friend" rolled it and totaled it, fortunately with no-one getting hurt. As soon as I could I replaced it with another used VW bug, learning the hard way the difference between buying a well maintained used car from my boss's girlfriend and buying one from a sleazy used car dealer. I ended up naming that car "Lemon Orange".

One day, as I was driving it back from yet another expensive repair, the result of the brakes and the windshield wipers failing at the same time during a night blizzard on the Massachusetts Turnpike, the steering wheel came off in my hands. I jammed it in while slowly pulling over and just as I came to a stop a rear wheel fell off. I looked over and saw I was across the street from a VW dealer ... I walked across the street with my keys and signed over the car. It was several years before I bought my third car.

Sidney,

I was no mechanic, but my friend "bones" was a good one and he mantained my 55 chevy used for local drag strips. I think you should have fired your mechanic. Bones was always there to kick the tires whenever I decided to change cars. Saved my ass more than once.

After having various "fast" cars earlier on, my current Toyota Corolla is definitely not exciting, but its small 1.8 liter 4 cyclinder and MacPherson strut suspension makes it more responsive than any other compact I've driven and I've driven a lot of that type.

[ndebord]

From the January, 2008, issue of Car and Driver magazine (yeah, I'm slowly catching up on my reading...).

10BEST Suspiciously (Homo)Erotic Automotive Terms


Stretch a Head Stud
Stroker Crank
Double Pumper
Sit on the Pole
Tighten the Gland Nuts
Slave Cylinder
Boring and Stroking
Layshaft
Belt-Driven Blower
The Miata Club of America




Mike,

And you should make a special category for late 50s, early 60s taillights, for example the Caddies of the time!

[Mike]

Good old small-block Chevy.
Good old 1960s small-block Chevy.

[Mike]

???

[Dan in Saint Louis]

Dan,

That would have been the '55 chevy, no?
The small block was introduced in 1955 at 265ci (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chevrolet_Small-Block_engine). It had a long long and great success among racers at 283ci and 327ci.

Mine was 350ci, but with the large-valve heads, cam and high-rise intake manifold from a Corvette of the same vintage. Therefore it never had an official "factory" horsepower rating. By extrapolation from other data, I figured around 350hp.

That was pretty good for that day. One horsepower per cubic inch from a cast iron, pushrod engine with hydraulic valve lifters and single 4-barrel. Totally streetable, in fact less radical than the 365hp and 375hp Corvettes.

It was built more for torque than for top-end horsepower, and in fact one night at the drag strip I mistakenly started in second gear and it only cost me 0.1 second!

[Jeff]

The small block was introduced in 1955 at 265ci (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chevrolet_Small-Block_engine). It had a long long and great success among racers at 283ci and 327ci.

It was built more for torque than for top-end horsepower, and in fact one night at the drag strip I mistakenly started in second gear and it only cost me 0.1 second!

I grew up with those. And to this day I expect torque at 3, hp at 6. I do not understand torque at 4.5, and a squirrel in a cage below that.

- Jeff

[sidney]

I think you should have fired your mechanic

I didn't really have a mechanic. I was young and naive and didn't know what I was doing. I did most of my own repair on Baby Blue using that famous book "How to Keep Your Volkswagen Alive : A Manual of Step-By-Step Procedures for the Complete Idiot". Lemon Orange's early problems were beyond me, plus I had just bought it from the used car dealer, and all my automotive tools had been stolen by the tow truck driver in North Carolina when Baby Blue was totaled. ("I didn't see any tools, they must've fallen out on the highway when you rolled the car"). So when I had big problems I took it back to the dealer. After I got rid of the car I didn't need any mechanic for a few years.

[ndebord]

I didn't really have a mechanic. I was young and naive and didn't know what I was doing. I did most of my own repair on Baby Blue using that famous book "How to Keep Your Volkswagen Alive : A Manual of Step-By-Step Procedures for the Complete Idiot". Lemon Orange's early problems were beyond me, plus I had just bought it from the used car dealer, and all my automotive tools had been stolen by the tow truck driver in North Carolina when Baby Blue was totaled. ("I didn't see any tools, they must've fallen out on the highway when you rolled the car"). So when I had big problems I took it back to the dealer. After I got rid of the car I didn't need any mechanic for a few years.

Sidney,

I remember that book... read it cover to cover and then tossed it to Bones!

(A man's got to know his limitations! Bones didn't...I came back from 'Nam to find him in Jackson State... Grand Theft Auto. What a waste of a great mechanic.)

[Mike]

I had a '72 LeMans, with the Pontiac 350 ci and the Turbo Hydramatic trannie. (I would have preferred the 4-bbl carb, with the four speed, but my parents had bought it originally.)

Even with the 2-bbl and auto trans, 3/4 throttle at 10 mph still would chirp the rear tires.

After my parents drove it for 15 years (though for three of them, I "shared" it with my mom, before my parents "suggested" that I buy my own car), they handed it down to me, and I drove it for three more before I gave it to my brother. Even at 15 years old, not particularly well maintained, it never missed a beat, and did a helluva lot better of freeway ramps than the mid-sized cars of the 80s!