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Mike Landi
January 24th, 2006, 07:25 PM
A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN RE-WORD
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Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

A backwards poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

:D

Judy G. Russell
January 24th, 2006, 08:17 PM
A bus used to transport parishioners to the local Catholic church is mass transit.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

The soup was so bad it was gruel and unusual punishment.

The cannibal passed his brother in the woods.

The Flanders native kept clearing his throat because he was phlegmish.

Is Santa's primary language really North Polish?

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

Mike Landi
January 24th, 2006, 08:33 PM
The cannibal passed his brother in the woods.

rofl!

chm
February 7th, 2006, 08:51 PM
Thanks! I enjoyed it - and my dad will love it. : )

Carolyn

chm
February 7th, 2006, 08:56 PM
Still more to pun-ish my dad with. Great.

Thanks, Judy. Hope you're fine. I appreciated your holiday newsletter.

I am finally at a little more relaxed pace. Having too much trouble breathing here in Orange County, CA, lately, however. Darn forest fires.

Carolyn

Mike Landi
February 8th, 2006, 07:24 AM
My dad was a real punner. He would have loved those.

Judy G. Russell
February 8th, 2006, 09:45 AM
How close are you to those fires, Carolyn? I saw that the weather was helping, but it's still terrifying to think that only a road is between that fire and 2000 homes.

chm
February 9th, 2006, 03:16 PM
How close are you to those fires, Carolyn? I saw that the weather was helping, but it's still terrifying to think that only a road is between that fire and 2000 homes.
Too close, even though I live on the coast.

Actually, all residential areas are relatively safe now, with the fire burning back into the forest. I still say "too close" for me, though, because of the horrible air quality everywhere here in O.C. - and I have asthma, as well as just getting over a cold. It's not a good thing to be downwind from a big forest fire.

My daughter was frighteningly close, living in Yorba Linda, just on the other side of the 91 freeway, across from where the fire started. The good news is that the fire has been moving away from her.

The weather's cooling a bit (90 yesterday!), and the fire should be dying down over the weekend.

This has been miserable. I'll be glad when it's over. At least I didn't have the anxiety of the nearby residents.

Curious origins to this fire: It's essentially an "oops" by the US Forest Service. They have apologized, as well as said, essentially, "We'll make sure it never happens again." The good news is that, since they're responsible, the Feds will be picking up the (hefty) bill for this, not us locals.

Appreciate your asking about me. : )

Carolyn

chm
February 9th, 2006, 03:28 PM
My dad was a real punner. He would have loved those.
I'm still coming to grips with the loss of loved ones. I'll think "Gee, Mom would have loved this; Wow, if Mom only knew about this!", etc., etc.

Maybe those "on the other side" do know? Or maybe they're too busy having other kinds of good times to care?

Yes, I've been reading about wormholes, parallel universes, time travel, lately - Stephen Hawking's latest.

Only I can take the subject of puns and bring physics and other-worldly ponderings into it. Maybe it's the (forest fire) smoke affecting my brain?

Carolyn

Judy G. Russell
February 9th, 2006, 08:16 PM
I swear, I start sweating about you and Wayne and our other CA friends every time I see the words "fire" and "California" in the same sentence... Glad you're okay, and hope the air keeps getting better!

Judy G. Russell
February 9th, 2006, 08:18 PM
I'm still coming to grips with the loss of loved ones. I'll think "Gee, Mom would have loved this; Wow, if Mom only knew about this!", etc., etc.I don't think you ever get over that, Carolyn. My grandmother has been gone for better than 10 years, and my mother for seven years, and I find myself occasionally still trying to pick up the phone to call one or the other of them.

ndebord
February 10th, 2006, 12:06 AM
I don't think you ever get over that, Carolyn. My grandmother has been gone for better than 10 years, and my mother for seven years, and I find myself occasionally still trying to pick up the phone to call one or the other of them.

Judy,

My grandfather, who taught me to walk, talk and think while chewing gum has been gone since 89 and I think about him every single day.

Judy G. Russell
February 10th, 2006, 09:33 AM
My grandfather died in 1970... and I still miss him.

lensue
February 10th, 2006, 09:50 AM
>A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN RE-WORD<

Mike, thanks so much for this--great material--great ammo to use against others! Regards, Len [g]

chm
February 10th, 2006, 04:32 PM
I swear, I start sweating about you and Wayne and our other CA friends every time I see the words "fire" and "California" in the same sentence... Glad you're okay, and hope the air keeps getting better!
Appreciate your concern, Judy. : )

Things are getting better here - the local air quality index is down to 95 from its earlier high of 155. (It bothers me when the AQI gets over 50.)

To help you keep California and its wildfires in perspective, consider that most of our wildfires occur in or near the national forests which cover our mountain ranges. These are very wild and very large places. For example, the current Sierra fire has burned almost 10,000 acres, but the Cleveland National Forest is so huge it doesn't make a significant impact on the area - except for the smoke! And much of the forest is dried-out brown small vegetation, so it's not like a lot of wonderful big green trees are being destroyed.

Anyway, in the Los Angeles area - the fires are out in the wild places, not in the midst of where people are living.

The people who do get in trouble are those who live in or near the forests. These happen to be the same people who find bears in their swimming pools, mountain lions in their backyards, and fear coyotes eating their pets.

I live nowhere near any forests, BTW - at least a half hour away.

We have great firefighters here, too, in spite of their slip up with the Sierra fire.

Yep, Arnold sealed his fate with his special election when he went after our firefighters. Everybody - regardless of their politics - loves and supports these heroes.

Carolyn

chm
February 10th, 2006, 04:44 PM
I don't think you ever get over that, Carolyn. My grandmother has been gone for better than 10 years, and my mother for seven years, and I find myself occasionally still trying to pick up the phone to call one or the other of them.
I'm afraid so.

I know I still miss my grandparents - and they've been gone for many years.

Guess I'll get used to it someday.

Carolyn

Judy G. Russell
February 11th, 2006, 09:55 AM
I know I still miss my grandparents - and they've been gone for many years. Guess I'll get used to it someday.Seriously, I don't think you ever do. The hurt gets to be less, and gets to be tolerable. But "used to it"? No. I don't think so.

Judy G. Russell
February 11th, 2006, 10:01 AM
To help you keep California and its wildfires in perspective, consider that most of our wildfires occur in or near the national forests which cover our mountain ranges.I hear you, but there have been an awful lot of fires close to homes in the last few years...