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Judy G. Russell
September 10th, 2005, 10:46 PM
... not very often, but every so often... I do something right.

I got an email a fews days ago from a woman asking a question about a genealogy website I maintain. Turns out she was a little confused about just where her interest and mine might intersect (turns out her husband is a very distant cousin) and she apologized for the confusion.

She explained that she's the primary caregiver for her husband who now has Alzheimer's. She told me he's had some real close calls in the last year, has spent months on life support, and has almost no interests left... except family history. Almost as an aside, she asked if I might have anything about our mutual family he might be interested in.

I got to thinking, and sent her a report, but I also sent the URL to some pictures I took a couple of years ago on a trip to the area of North Carolina (http://www.pbase.com/jgr/north_carolina) where his people and mine hail from.

I just got an email back from her, at the end of his 75th birthday today:

These pictures were wonderful and Billy recognized every thing and the wheels started turning .He was like a little kid who was home again. Asking questions as if you were here Happy,happy,happy. Thanks for making his 75th, so very memorable and special. Now he asks -- is she kin to [folks who] sang bluegrass music [or those] who ran the Parkway Junction a little store on hwy221 just before you get on the Blue Ridge Parkway. Then he got tired and said "I want to see those pictures again tomorrow. I hiked all over crabtree Meadows and crabtree falls as a kid -- it is wonderful to be back home again." I'm sitting here with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I am so pleased I could be part of my "new" cousin's 75th birthday... and more importantly to have been able to help give him the gift of his memories.

davidh
September 10th, 2005, 11:24 PM
Amen, "cousin".

Judy G. Russell
September 11th, 2005, 10:00 AM
Alzheimer's is so terrible. Life can "steal" my physical health... but when it steals my memories...?

ndebord
September 11th, 2005, 10:35 AM
... not very often, but every so often... I do something right.

I got an email a fews days ago from a woman asking a question about a genealogy website I maintain. Turns out she was a little confused about just where her interest and mine might intersect (turns out her husband is a very distant cousin) and she apologized for the confusion.

She explained that she's the primary caregiver for her husband who now has Alzheimer's. She told me he's had some real close calls in the last year, has spent months on life support, and has almost no interests left... except family history. Almost as an aside, she asked if I might have anything about our mutual family he might be interested in.

I got to thinking, and sent her a report, but I also sent the URL to some pictures I took a couple of years ago on a trip to the area of North Carolina (http://www.pbase.com/jgr/north_carolina) where his people and mine hail from.

I just got an email back from her, at the end of his 75th birthday today:

I'm sitting here with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I am so pleased I could be part of my "new" cousin's 75th birthday... and more importantly to have been able to help give him the gift of his memories.

Judy,

You do more than a little bit right, if you ask me. As for your new cousin. He'll get many days of lovely memories from your gesture. Well done.

Judy G. Russell
September 11th, 2005, 01:47 PM
Thanks for the kind words, Nick.

ndebord
September 11th, 2005, 03:37 PM
Thanks for the kind words, Nick.

Judy,

We had an Aunt in the family who had dementia and was kept in a home in Missouri. The family got together and got her out of there and moved her to Kansas, which doesn't sound like much of a change (unless you know about the state of mental health care in Missouri), but in Kansas her sister was a social worker from KU and managed to get her into an assisted home (condo) where she finally got good care. She was never right in her head since childhood and when very young her mother died and her father disappeared, so all the kids were spread out amongst relatives, many of whom didn't have 2 nickles to rub together.

Judy G. Russell
September 11th, 2005, 05:21 PM
Getting good care can make all the difference in the world in some cases, Nick. With Alzheimer's, it isn't going to do much in terms of the progression of the disease, though...

Mike Landi
September 11th, 2005, 07:53 PM
I'm sitting here with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I am so pleased I could be part of my "new" cousin's 75th birthday... and more importantly to have been able to help give him the gift of his memories.


You done good, kid! You reached out and touched someone and made them smile in the autumn of his life.

We should all be so lucky.

ndebord
September 11th, 2005, 09:54 PM
Getting good care can make all the difference in the world in some cases, Nick. With Alzheimer's, it isn't going to do much in terms of the progression of the disease, though...

Judy,

My Aunt in Missouri was lucky that her sister (on my father's side) managed to claw her way up to a master's degree. I mean her stepfather had no money at all and they lived in one of those proverbial shacks by the side of a dirt road. He literally shovelled shit for a living in the stockyards and my Aunt got scholarships to make her way through KU. Needless to say, KU is the true love of her life and she has given far more back to them than they outlayed to help her through school. My Great Uncle always thought that my KU Aunt added a good 10 years onto the life of the sister with dementia.

The other joint in MO was a snake pit.

Judy G. Russell
September 11th, 2005, 11:09 PM
KU is the true love of her life and she has given far more back to them than they outlayed to help her through school. My Great Uncle always thought that my KU Aunt added a good 10 years onto the life of the sister with dementia.That's terrific. (That's also one of the reasons why I will keep teaching at Rutgers until I retire -- I'm trying to give back a little of what I received. My law education was dirt cheap, especially compared to what these kids are paying today!)

Judy G. Russell
September 11th, 2005, 11:09 PM
You done good, kid! You reached out and touched someone and made them smile in the autumn of his life. We should all be so lucky.Thanks, Mike. It was just so unexpected, and so sweet.

Lindsey
September 11th, 2005, 11:29 PM
Oh, that's a truly wonderful story! And as happy as you made your 75-year-old cousin, I think you brought an even greater degree of happiness to his wife. Good going!

--Lindsey

Mike
September 11th, 2005, 11:49 PM
Nice heartwarming story, Judy! It's nice to get the feedback!

Judy G. Russell
September 12th, 2005, 09:16 AM
Thanks, Lindsey! It just made my day. And how nice of her to take the time to send the note to tell me about it.

Judy G. Russell
September 12th, 2005, 09:17 AM
That was what really amazed me -- that she took the time to let me know his reaction.
Sigh... these days we need all the good news and all the heartwarming stories we can get...

Mike Landi
September 12th, 2005, 10:16 AM
Thanks, Mike. It was just so unexpected, and so sweet.

I guess this is a case of unexpected side effects. All of your work turned out to help someone you would never otherwise have known.

Good work!

ndebord
September 12th, 2005, 10:19 AM
That's terrific. (That's also one of the reasons why I will keep teaching at Rutgers until I retire -- I'm trying to give back a little of what I received. My law education was dirt cheap, especially compared to what these kids are paying today!)

Judy,

Rutgers is a good school. (Not as good as CCNY, but then I AM biased there!)

On the other side of the family tree, I come from a long line of public school graduates, most of them went to U of Illinois. I'm the only member of the family to reverse migrate to the East Coast.

Judy G. Russell
September 12th, 2005, 10:07 PM
Rutgers is a good school. (Not as good as CCNY, but then I AM biased there!)Yep, I'd have to agree with you there... about the biased part, that is...

On the other side of the family tree, I come from a long line of public school graduates, most of them went to U of Illinois. I'm the only member of the family to reverse migrate to the East Coast.I'm among the first generation on my mother's side to go to college, and most of us are public school grads of one kind or another.

Judy G. Russell
September 12th, 2005, 10:08 PM
I guess this is a case of unexpected side effects.And, remarkably, it wasn't the more usual case of "no good deed goes unpunished"!

Dick K
September 13th, 2005, 01:40 AM
... not very often, but every so often... I do something right.Judy -

Far more often than you give yourself credit for.

Once again, you done real good. Bravo.

Judy G. Russell
September 13th, 2005, 08:22 AM
You're far too kind, Dick. Thanks.

ndebord
September 13th, 2005, 12:59 PM
Yep, I'd have to agree with you there... about the biased part, that is...

I'm among the first generation on my mother's side to go to college, and most of us are public school grads of one kind or another.

Judy,

The reverse. My father's side were first-time college grads. My mother's side went back to the late 1800's and surprisingly my grandmother and her sister went to college while the men stayed in farm related businesses in Illinois, Wisconsin and Minnesota.

CCNY was a great school right up until they reduced standards and imposed tuition. The original Free Academy you see and when I got there in late '75, it had the most amazing collection of European expat teachers. All of them in shock, as the CUNY system spiralled downwards, but still better quality than Columbia and different than the Paulists at Fordham and less narrow than the latter. (I spent a bit of time working towards becoming a professor before I bailed, so did all the little things (recording secretary,etc.) to have the inside track. Saw Fordham, CUNY and Columbia professors at their real jobs: soaking up suds at local bars on the upper west side.

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